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Amber's Thoughts

Reviews and updates from Amber Foxx, author of the Mae Martin Psychic Mystery Series



The Author’s Patter Song








This satirical doggerel was originally posted in a discussion on Goodreads. I received a request to post it where it was easier to link to it, so here it is:




The Author’s Patter Song




(With apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan)




I am the very model of a modern indie authoress.


My editor is excellent, my formatting is not a mess.


I’ve hired top professionals for proofreading and cover art ,


And hope that that I will join the ranks of authors who discovered are.




I don’t engage with trolls or drive-by one-stars on the internet.


I’ve never said so far a thing on Goodreads that I might regret.


Real readers wrote my good reviews not sock puppets or family.


I hope this will promote me since I must not do it spammily.




I can’t afford for Foreword or for Kirkus to approve me


And if I were to push hard would-be readers would remove me


From their to-read lists, and so I keep my self-promotion minimal.


With marketing so subtle that it borders on subliminal.




I’ll hang on with obduracy and get discovered anyway.


To languish in obscurity would be a terrible cliché.


But …


I’m at the very bottom of the Amazon best seller list


Where almost every other model modern indie author is.